Trouble in Paradise

I want to go to the Island. Me and my wife watched the movie The Island last night. There was an underground facility of clones, they were insurance policies for people who could afford them in the outside world. They educated them to the level of a 15 year old and kept them under control by a false sense of containment. There was an elaborate story where these people were survivors from a world catastrophe and they were kept in this facilty because they were "contaminated." They worked and learned in the facility and the only hope they had were to win the lottery and get to the island. The truth in the matter was the people who won the lottery and went to the island, were actually just moved up to the hospital above the facility, put under anesthesia, and used for their body parts or to carry a baby for the people they were cloned from.
Lately I feel like I am just going through a routine and keeping myself in the dark, waiting to go to the island. I go to work, come home and eat dinner while watching television, which I loathe, and the I play World of Warcraft and go to bed. I like my job, but mostly for the money and the benefits that it provides me and my family, but I dont get a true enjoyment out of it. The real problem is I dont know what job I would get enjoyment out of. I would like to write, but I dont feel that I am adequate enough, I would like to do programming or work on computer hardware, but I dont feel adequate enough. And when I am in school I get excited and work really hard for the first couple of weeks and then I become distant, lose my passion, and end up dropping the class.
I feel like part of myself is saying I am contaminated and that I am not adequate enough an that I shouldn't have any passion because its better to just wait for my turn to go to the island. Maybe my body parts would work differently and better benefit someone else. Or would they carry over my current metal contamination?

Theme Park

It came to me again last night. I was having the headaches again and was struggling to get to sleep. Devin looked so peaceful in her sleep, I wish I had that. Finally I drifted away even in the pain. I was swept away by the will of my unconscious, images flash by in brilliant colors to fast to see the subtle memories residing in the depths of my brain. I was back in the field, it was hilly and was covered with the greenest grass possible. It wasn't so thick you couldn't walk through it but it was high enough to weave in between my toes when I walked. I wanted to just lay in the grass, stare at the images across the sky, and forget about what was over the hill. I put my hands in the pockets of my favorite jeans and started trekking up the hill. I knew what was on the otherside but everytime I hit the top of the hill I could only stare in awe at what was in the valley.
It was an amusement park, well it was more, but at first glance it was an amusement park. It came complete with a ferris wheel that reached to the top of the sky, a roller coaster with so many loops you would probably turn inside out, and thousands of booths with all types of games and prizes. Oh, and there was a 15 foot high stone wall encircling the whole thing, and it had no gate or doors for entry. At this point I just looked in to the wall from my hilltop and watched the bustle of activity of the assorted rides and attractions. There were not any people that I could see but someone or something had to be working everything.
I finally decided to torment myself again and walked down to the wall. I started walking around, looking for an entrance or even a way to climb over, but to no avail. Part of me was aching to get inside that wall, and another part seemed like it could care less. I became more and more frustrated as I walked around the wall. I would occasionally lash out at the wall by kicking it or hitting it. The music coming from over the wall just made me that much more angry, I felt like it was taunting me. I kicked and punched the wall over and over and finally fell to the ground gasping for breath.
I was shaken awake at this point and Devin was on top of me holding my arms down and yelling at me to stop doing something. I don't know what, I couldn't make it out really well I was still sleepy and trying to hold onto my dream. She kept saying it over and over and over. I saw the lips moving but couldn't understand what was coming out. Then it was like my ears popped and the sound flooded in.
"Will you stop freaking hitting and kicking me?!?"

The day is black,
Darkness has come,
We await the Dayspring,
like the morning sun.

Shade covers all,
Death has come,
We await the Dayspring,
like the morning sun.

Revolvers spin,
and bullets fly,
struggle to survive,
until we finally die.

No Father's Death,
will slowly come,
We await the Dayspring.
like a mourning son.